what am i talking about? [This]

Due to a buggy plugin I am cheating slightly with some materials…it just means I need to create threads to collect comments. I could direct people to the forum but I don’t want to force registration on people who have the decency to read through my writing attempts.

I have a quick feedback point myself:

He swung the weapon up, wildly gesturing as he tried to aim blind; his very arm rebelled against the weight, as if it was aware the rest of him was falling away and that it was being unfairly used.

Instead of, ‘unfairly used.’ Perhaps, ‘unfairly pressed.’ Or something else?

I have completely lost all discipline with character dialogue, with any luck that situation will improve.

Tags: Feedback, Flak Saga

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 21st, 2008 at 6:02 pm and is filed under Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.